This weekend I felt somewhat homesick, lonely and quite frankly "sorry" for myself. Yes, sitting by the pool in 34 degree temperatures and feeling sorry for myself. I was having an argument with my feelings. "How can you be so selfish and feel sorry for yourself ... you're in the Mayan Riviera, its beautiful out and you don't have a worry in the world?!" versus "I don't care how flippin hot it is out our friends are snowmobiling to Craven for breakfast right now and then they're hottubbing in -20 degree weather and another group of friends went out last night and there were lots of people we knew there and my inlaws just left after two great weeks and I miss being at the rink and .....".
This fight inside my head lasted for a good day and a half. No wonder I had a major headache! But, a day and a half later I have resolved this argument ... I have acknowledged that both these feelings are natural, they are both bound to appear and that they will most likely return no matter what the temperature is outside! I have allowed myself to feel "homesick" and to actually admit it. I have allowed myself to be greedy and enjoy our time here without feeling guilty and "spoiled" and I have allowed myself to take each day, and the emotions that come along with it, as it comes.
We have been here for 14 weeks tomorrow ~ more than half way done this adventure. And despite having the "boohoo for me" attitude on the weekend I am in disbelief/denial that we only have 12 weeks left. On one hand I am missing my friends and family so much yet on the other I don't want to leave what we have established here! I know there are many more serious problems I could be experiencing but I just wanted to outline how I am feeling ... now, 14 weeks in! (Had to add that so some cyber space stranger doesn't accuse me of being a whiney, righteous beeotch!)
A very dear friend (not sure if it was Pat or Romana cause it was on a joint facebook account!) replied to my status update admitting that I was feeling lonely with this ...
"~you may be loving your life in Mexico - but the bottom line is your roots are here - so travel, enjoy and treasure the moments but know your heart is back on the praries."
Wow! Did that hit home for me or what! I felt a huge sense of relief and knew it was OK for me to be feeling what I had been feeling...it was ok for me to want to return here after being in Saskatchewan for a temporary 10 day visit yet it was ok for me to miss people, events, the rinks, routines, outings and get togethers people were having without us once we returned back here!
In a perfectly selfish idealistic world we would be everywhere with everyone enjoying everything the world has to offer ... but because reality doesn't allow for that we need to make the best of each situation. I know that I will be making the most out of our time in Saskatchewan come May and if we chose to return here in November I will cherish all of the new memories we will make over the summer months. Similarly, I will be making the most out our remaining time here. There are so many things I want us to experience, see and do so I am glad this fight inside my head has ceased so I can continue our adventure without a headache!!
My head is familiar with that fight and then a new adventure comes along that I would have not experienced and the pity parties have gotten almost non existent now. Familiar will always be that no matter how long you are gone :-)
ReplyDeleteCant wait to sit by the pool and share a margarita and swap stories of crazy and so worth it in life's adventures! Cheers